I Hate Mario Kart Wii
by LIMBO Dib
Summary: In an effort to appear more human, Zim invites Dib and Gaz over to play...Mario Kart Wii, of all things.  Based off of the Alex Day song "I Hate Mario Kart Wii," which I do not own.  This story is in Dib's POV.


I stared at the big-screen television in front of me, wondering why I was even here. My worst enemy, who was sitting next to me at the moment, had invited me and my sister, Gaz, over for some weird reason - I had no idea why. I thought he hated both of us.

"So..." I began, speaking through clenched teeth, "Why did you invite us over here?" Gaz was sitting near us, staring ahead blankly. She did this a lot, and nobody ever knew what she was thinking. Not even me, and I used to think I knew her better than anyone.

To tell you the truth, I really love Gaz. After all, she's my sister, and I'm devoted to protecting her. However...it's pretty obvious that she hates me. She hates...well, almost everyone. I wonder how that's even possible - I find it impossible to hate so many people at once.

"I feel like someone's...watching me, if you must know," my worst enemy, Zim, muttered, "So I decided to appear more normal by inviting a few of you over to play a video game...whatever that is." I sighed - Zim pretty much knew nothing about Earth, and yet he was still very dangerous.

I averted my eyes toward the white, rectangular object that was positioned below the television. "Is that...a Wii?" I asked, remembering that we had a system like that at home. I rarely used it, but Gaz did...occasionally. Most of the time, she just watched cartoons.

"As a matter of fact, it is, human," Zim responded, "I bought it for the sole purpose of appearing more normal." I sighed yet again, realizing that if Zim was going to be an idiot, the next few hours would be the most boring of my entire ten year-long life.

"So what game are we playing?" Gaz asked. I have no idea how she can talk to Zim as though he's normal. He isn't - with piercing red eyes, green skin, and a pair of antennae, he's pretty much anything but normal. Well, I guess that's normal for an Irken invader, but I digress...

"Gir should be getting back in a few moments, human girl," Zim answered, "He got to choose the game." I scowled. Gir is Zim's robot servant, but he apparently has some problems, because he almost never does what Zim instructs him to do.

A few minutes later, Gir bounced into the room, still wearing his green dog costume. He sprang out of the costume and rushed over to the Wii, inserting a Wii game into the disc drive. I wondered if he had stolen it or rented it - preferably the latter, I guess.

Zim handed everyone Wii remotes, and we all waited for him to go to the Disc Channel and press start. When he did, the picture I saw on the screen was all too familiar. My least favorite video game's title image was suddenly right before my eyes.

"Mario Kart Wii," Gaz commented, "Hm. How...amusing."

xXx

For the next few minutes, I felt pretty confident - Zim was aimlessly flipping through the instruction booklet and attempting to figure everything out. "Hey, Dib," he told me, "How do you throw an item?" I sighed for the third time, not wanting to explain it again.

"Just what is a drift, and how do you use it?" my worst enemy asked me, still flipping through the booklet. I scowled again, wondering how someone could possibly be so darn stupid. Had he never played any video games before? Apparently not, because when he asked me what the A button was, I practically exploded.

As soon as we reached the character select screen, I selected Yoshi before anyone could object. I used to tell everyone it was because he was good on the offroad parts of the track, but it's mostly because he's cute. Yeah, I have to admit that he's a pretty cute dinosaur.

Finally, the race started...and I was too busy thinking about Zim to notice. I ended up stalling the car by holding down the button just a bit too early. Zim, Gir, and perhaps even Gaz were all laughing as they drove past. Laughing at _me. _I felt my face redden.

Just then, I remembered why I hate Mario Kart Wii - the button commands are annoying and stupid.

xXx

A moment later, I found myself stuck in last place, knowing I was going to lose. Not only will I lose in front of my sister, but I'll also lose against my worst enemy. How humiliating...Today wasn't turning out so great. First a bad day at Skool, now this? Ugh.

Gir, who was apparently playing as Donkey Kong, was right ahead of me, giggling obnoxiously. I wondered just what was going on in that empty head of his. Feeling angry now, I decided to run into an item box and grab a power-up to get revenge on everyone.

I didn't expect it to be anything great - just a red shell or something, but no! A Bullet Bill! Instantly, I sped ahead of everyone else, not caring about anything at that moment but the race. I didn't even care about my rivalry against Zim - just the race.

Zim growled. "Why would a video game company make a game that's so UNFAIR?" I could almost hear the circuits exploding inside his head. I laughed quietly, tilting the Wii remote in all sorts of directions as I raced. For once, I thought I was going to win.

If you pardon the pun, I was feeling Princess Peachy. After all, I was winning - what else mattered?

xXx

Suddenly, I heard Gir's voice saying something like, "I threw a spiky blue present!" It took me more time that usual to figure out what he meant, and when I figured it out, it was too late to try to avoid it. Gir had just thrown a blue shell at me.

I watched as a blue explosion engulfed poor Yoshi, sending him flying. When he finally landed, he was still spinning out. I sighed exasperatedly and realized that, for some weird reason, there was no wall where my character was spinning out.

There was nothing I could do then but watch my car fall into the sea below the racetrack. I moaned quietly, waiting for a Lakitu to come rescue Yoshi. I watched as his tiny fishing rod lifted my character into the air and my screen went black as Yoshi hit the ground again.

Just then, I remembered why I hate Mario Kart Wii - the items are unfair, Bullet Bills or blue shells.

xXx

Finally, I found myself in first place again. However, Zim, Gir, and Gaz were getting closer. _This is easy, _I thought, _All I need is another power-up. _I drove right into another one of the item boxes, hoping a good item would show up and keep me in first.

However, the only thing I got was a banana peel. I sighed and threw the semi-worthless item somewhere on the track. The upside-down boxes that littered the track were starting to get boring. I wondered if I had been having more fun when I was behind everyone else.

As a matter of fact, I was right - this game is the only one I've played where winning has this strange, empty feeling to it. Losing wasn't all that fun either, but at least it was more fun that winning. I frowned a little and ran into yet another item box.

Nope - no red shells. The only thing that came into my mind then was that this race was the most boring three-lap trip I had ever been on. Trying to focus on the race, I sighed for the millionth time and continued driving, no matter how much I hated it.

xXx

The race finally ended! I was pretty much about to pump my fists in the air and scream to announce my victory. I had _won! _That was a big change from my previous races - I WON! Yes! Just to make sure, I looked at the standings to assure myself of my victory.

When I saw them, my jaw dropped open. _I'm SECOND? _I growled and looked over at the winning character - they had won with invincibility! I bit my lip to restrict myself from cussing at my sister, who had won by playing as Waluigi - the purple freak.

And at that point, I remembered why I hate Mario Kart Wii - it just sucks. That's pretty much it.

xXx

"Who dares defeat the almighty ZIM!" Zim shouted, giving Gaz a death glare. I buried my face in my hands - this wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to win, just to prove to Zim that the human race would overpower him, and now...I had failed.

_You did beat Zim, though, _a little voice in my head murmured, _Sure, your sister beat you, but you still beat Zim. _I smiled slightly and sat up again, watching Zim and Gaz fight over who truly won and who truly lost. It was pretty obvious that Gaz was winning the argument.

Gir, who had come in last place, was still laughing wildly. I wondered how he could be so darn positive, but the laughing stopped abruptly - and so did everyone else. There was nothing but silence in the room, and I had no idea why. It was like we were all mute or something...

Suddenly, Gir broke the silence. In a weak, small voice, he began singing. At first, I had no idea what the song was - it sounded horribly familiar, but I still had no idea. Then, it came to me - it was the invincibility music, the drone that ensured Gaz's victory.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes, just listening to Gir's singing. When it finally ended, Zim quickly returned to the title screen as if nothing had happened. "You may have won this time," he muttered, "but just you wait until you must face the wrath of ZIM once again!"

"Whatever," Gaz responded nonchalantly, looking away slightly, "Just shut up. I have better things to do with my hearing." Zim scowled, and I wasn't sure whether to laugh or to shut up. Shutting up seemed like the best option, so I did.

A few minutes later, Zim and Gaz were locked in another argument. I sighed and stared at the title screen. At that moment, I realized that maybe, just maybe, this game wasn't all that bad. Something in it had to be good...like defeating Zim.

I smiled and stared at the others. "Well, then..." I began, interrupting the argument that had been going on, "Who wants to play another round?"


End file.
